Lesson Learned.

After Senior year I learned that I shouldn’t be so melodramatic, in life & on here. Recently I’ve been pretty discouraged when it comes to making friends and what not. It’s not necessarily friends, it’s my floor-mates. Yup, the people I live with.  With the holidays drawing near, and stress from finals building, I thought it would be cool to have secret santa on our floor. Instead of the typical secret santa I thought we could do secret santa roommate style. This meant a pair of roommates would draw for another set of roommates to get gifts for. And another twist was that the secret santa duo never had to reveal their identity… leaving room for wild gift giving. After asking several people on the floor, most people were “down” with the idea. I was ecstatic and the inner STUCO girl in my jumped out. I hooped on the task.

I made the sheets and slide them underneath doors. We even had a stocking outside our down for people to drop off their completed sheets. All I had to do was wait. I even had our RA e-mail the floor with the “dets”. Let’s just say this didn’t turn out all that well. Of the 25+ rooms on the floor I got sheets back from 7 of them, not even half. I’m pretty bummed out. I’m trying not to take it personally but it hurts. The stipulations were pretty basic. So no one can throw up the “money” issue. The price ceiling is $10 per person, so $20 per room. That’s the maximum money that can be spent. In fact, no money really has to be spent. You could handmake something. I’m honestly pretty disappointed.

It already sucks that God blessed me with the notoriously worst dorm on campus, but the upside was that upperclassmen claimed that at this dorm, floormates became a family. HA! It sucks. Making friends is hard. It sucks when people lie to my face that they didn’t get the form… I knocked door to door to make sure people who wanted to participate got a chance to. It sucks. It’s all a lie.

I feel like I’m evolving. I genuinely smiled and talked to my floormates. WIth Several ‘how are you’s?’ or “what’s up?” or even “How did that test go you were studying for?”.  At times it felt like I was doing most of the work trying to develop these relationship.  Before this moment I could honestly say I cared for my floormates and hoped that in the future we would always remember our first year on D1.

Let’s just say I’m even more guarded with my feelings. You know, because I was always so open with them in the past. Hhhhmmm… Any-hoo. I’m truly grateful for the participants on my floor and have a newfound respect for them. I’m happy that some people are deciding to join.

It’s like when you try and do something really cool and them it crumbles. At least the cookie crumbles don’t taste too bad. I’m sorry for this melodramatic post. I’m trying to repress emotions like this because they have a tendency of getting me in trouble. I’m bad at communicating my emotions. But how am I suppose to tell my entire floor that I really wanted us to connect and do something fun together? That I’m disappointed? That I thought we were “friends”?

Lesson learned. Won’t make the same mistake twice. Live & Learn.

I keep replaying this Bruno Mars song to get me through. Nothing like not having a boyfriend to put the cherry on top of this sundae I call “life”. The song is called “When I was Your Man”. It came out yesterday and I’ve been jamin’ to it ever since.

Ciao Bella.

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