The Game Plan.


For a split second I was very mad at God. And I felt unjustified for being angry because no Christians I know express that sort of emotion towards God. It’s as though I can’t be frustrated for a split second without my fellow brothers & sisters in Christ reminding me to “Trust in the Lord” or “Joy comes in the morning”. I love the encouragement but sometimes I tuned them out when I’m feeling especially salty. But I’m mad. I’m genuinely mad about my situation. I may sound like a broken record but I’m currently very unhappy with my living situation, I wish my grades were better, and I’m hoping that my summer plans would start taking form. I completely believe that God brought me here for a reason but I really wish that He would let me in on the game plan. Because I don’t know how much longer I can bear this storm. It seems like the last good thing to happen to me was so long ago. There is no mix of daily victories followed by major victories. There’s just this constant mildness. 
At times I feel betrayed by my friends, family, and most of all… my God. To be completely honest I have periods (moments) of self-doubt were I wonder if God really exist. This only happens because I’m currently/ constantly waiting for my blessings. Its s though I would be guaranteed that God exist if my life was going great. Sadly that’s not the case. 
I recently read this verse though: 
“God determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though He is not far from each one of us.” (Acts 17:26-27) 

So I will try. I just need a re-charge. God hasn’t let me down before so I don’t know why I’m doubting Him now. I guess I’m going through one of those adolescent melodramatic moments. I was so angry with God that I didn’t go to church this morning. *Sigh* I’m considering throwing a rock at myself for being so blinded by emotions. 
I could always use some prayer. Just know that I’m praying for you my lovebugs!
Ciao Bella.

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